September 2010 Issue 102

by Colleen McMillan

Grandchildren, an unexpected joy: small emotional worms that burrow into your heart, grow larger, burrow deeper.

I was shocked by the heart jolting violence with which I fell in love with my first grandchild. Oh, I’d played the role of the very excited grandmother to be. I am quite practised at exclaiming over new babies, but in truth babies do nothing for me. I don’t want to hold them or goo at them, but one look at this large red faced little fellow and I literally fell in love . . . never to recover.

Grandchildren are part of you, but distance gives you an insight that perhaps you did not have with your own children. With your own children your love is so fiercely protective, so clouded with responsibility for their future well being, but the silken cord of blood that binds grandchildren is looser, more forgiving and tolerant. Parents hope for perfection in their children; children expect it of their parents. There seems to be an invisible barrier which can grow with age as adult children jockey for the supremacy their parents so reluctantly relinquish—the old bull must move over for the younger contender, as the calves gambol obliviously.

It is amazing how little your children think you know about childbirth or child rearing. They, like you, intend to bring up their children perfectly, but at times it is difficult to stand aside when you do not agree with some of their decisions. This is when you pray that good value carrying genes linger on through the generations. As a wise grandmother once said, “Parents can take neither all the blame, nor all the glory for how their offspring turn out. In the end, all of us must take responsibility for ourselves.”

While one always felt that to boast of ones own children’s achievements was to be a bore, and a prejudiced one at that, when it comes to grandchildren no such rule seems to apply. Sing their praises all you wish, that is if you can get a word in with all the other grandparents doing the same thing. On the other hand should a grandchild have done something unacceptable that too can be discussed far more openly, and without the  feeling of guilt, or extreme one-eyedness that may be present if it were your own child.

It is interesting to see what heredity throws up in grandchildren. Parents see mostly themselves, but grandparents, perhaps because of a knowledge of family history, old photos etc. can see a wider picture. Of course this is not a complete picture, but then it does enable you to blame “the other side of the family” for features you don’t care for.

Both John and I have felt it our duty to give our precious grandchildren a sense of being one in a long link of family. To this point we have told them stories about family members in generations past. Because of our interest in family history, we were very useful when it came to school projects involving the making of Family Trees etc. Twenty-first birthday presents have been, and will continue to be, something that has previously belonged to a relative, for example an old family bible, originally brought from England, was done up with photos and birthdates of previous owners, and given to our eldest granddaughter when she turned twenty-one. It was explained to her that it was hers to be kept in trust for her daughter.

So thank you my daughters for giving us this wonderful gift of grandchildren, and thank you for sharing them so generously with us.

© Colleen McMillan 2010

This entry was posted by cmcmillan on Monday, February 1st, 2010 at 12:00 am and is filed under Reflection. You can be notified of any comments on this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a comment in the box at the bottom of the post.

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