Title: I Love Me: A Guide to Being Your Own Best Friend
Author: Bev Aisbett
Publisher: HarperCollins Australia (PB)
RRP AUD$19.99
ISBN: 9780732289010
I was initially put off this self-help book, partly because it is a self-help book, and partly because the text is broken up by cartoon-like drawings, giving it the air of a children’s story. My skepticism persisted until I’d read the whole thing and then returned to the beginning to read it all over again. So something must have clicked for me to take it more seriously. Just to set the record straight: it’s not an academic book; it’s aimed at the pop psychology end of the market and looked at in that context it succeeds, in my opinion, very well.
Bev Aisbett is a trained counsellor, facilitates the “Working with IT” recovery program in Melbourne and assists those in other states through “The IT Kit”, a home study version of the workshop. In addition, she conducts lectures to assist sufferers of depression and anxiety in Victoria. Bev is also an artist and her paintings are regularly exhibited in Melbourne and Tasmania. Her website bevaisbett.com is worth a visit.
Bev’s over-riding thesis is that many of us are afflicted by a “lack of joy” in our lives, which manifests in a dull, boring existence, going through the motions of living, but never really experiencing the richness that meaningful life brings, instead projecting our misery onto others by bullying, feeling dissatisfied, bouts of rage, self-pity and cynicism. Sounds familiar? You read about it in the paper every day and see it on the TV news each night.
If we don’t love—or even like—ourselves, Bev says, we can hardly regard others in a positive light, blighting what could and should be rewarding and enriching experiences.
So, how to correct this malaise? Becoming whole, Bev says, means “reclaiming and making peace with your authentic self”. And that has to do with the choices we make. And those choices are not easy, because they probably involve changing our behaviour. She notes that we can’t change others, only ourselves.
Sounds like a dose of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy to me, and I Love Me contains much to be admired in its unravelling of often puzzling situations, making clear that which has confused us and the reasons why.
This is a useful guide to healthier and more positive living, presented in a simple and dramatic format. On second and subsequent readings I found much food for thought.
Reviewed by Alan Wheatley
This entry was posted by Alan Wheatley on Monday, March 1st, 2010 at 12:00 am and is filed under Book Reviews.
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Interesting review Alan. Yeah, does sound like a bit of CBT. Not that that’s a bad thing. Sometimes we try so hard to change other people that we forget the 10,000 km service on ourselves.
And in some cases, trying to change others is simply a case of us trying to maintain or establish some sort of control. A control that we may have not had in childhood. Unfortunately, childhood can be the incubator that grows so many things that only mature in adulthood.
Yet it’s not always that easy to love yourself. Or even to accept yourself. I wouldn’t try to generalise here but I suspect that in many cases, people dwell in either the past or the future, with little real regard being given to the present.
Personally, it’s easy to revisit ad infinitum, past errors, mistakes, whatever and berate yourself for the supidity you might have displayed. And the attendant hurt you may have caused.
And if you live in this state of self regret and sometimes self dislike, it’s not a quantum leap to start becoming apprehensive about the future, with anxiety about what may or may not occur. Fearful of making more mistakes based on past errors of judgement. It’s a cycle and it’s unfortunate. But for many people it’s a reality of day to day life. And that’s sad.
I’ve worked with many clients who have had a variety of problems, both diagnosed and unidentfied. Depression and anxiety are, unfortunately, widely under reported. And although that’s a personal opinion, many people who you might think, on the face of it, have their act together, are simply battling day to day to cope with life. On occasion, sadly, some people decide that battle is not worth continuing. And that it’s all too hard.
For many the option of medication is the easiest, with apparent benefits becoming available in a couple of weeks. But it is never a lasting solution. Depressive illness is crippling. Yet it is misunderstood. If a person has a physical disability, most people are accomodating and supportive of, the person with that disability.
We go out of our way to help a visually impaired person, say how cute the dog is etc, or help the person in a chair to navigate some stairs. But there is sometimes an awkwardness about dealing with people who have ‘emotional’ problems. To a large extent that’s understandable; we’re always fearful of the unknown or the invisible disability.
Enjoying life should be simple. Liking one’s self should be simple. Simple pleasures should be, well, simple. But from personal experience and years of case managing others, it was never thus.
I think when I get back to Oz I’ll chase up a copy of ‘I love me…’ Appreciate your review.